How To Take Perfect Pictures
Step 1: Put on a suit. Just kidding. You’re already wearing one. Right? RIGHT?!
Step 2: Stand in front of a full-length mirror and practice your “perfect pose.” Things to focus on: angling your body in relation to the lens so you appear strong and sexual (think Barack Obama). Also, you’ll want to broaden your shoulders to appear extra manly (think Hillary Clinton).
Step 3: When you’re at a venue where cameras are common (parties, birthdays, a camera store), listen for clicks, beeps and servos, as these are the sounds of digital cameras snapping away. Try to ignore the camera bearer and her friends’ “amazing” stories about how smart their cats are and put yourself in prime position for a picture behind them.
Step 4: Watch for premature flashing (aloha!), as most cameras flash twice. After the first, you have between one and three seconds to transition into your perfect pose. Don’t dawdle.
Step 5: Review your photo. It should be perfect. If not, a few hours of Photoshop can fix anything (exception: Meg Ryan). Now, post your photo and get ready to post